the forced quiet

I have learned how to be in the quiet. There is a core to me that I do not think I've fully recognized until this fall. In an environment where I was removed from the typical busyness and placed in a position where I was alone, undistracted ... I found a love for getting lost in my own thoughts, nature, photos, and reading in a new way.

The last few days I have been pushed to a place of quiet again, as a result of not feeling well and not desiring much to get out of the house and explore the world. Of course, it has been something that was allowed to me for great reasons, one of those being today ... sitting home, watching movies, reading, wondering what the future will entail for my life.

There's a documentary called Born into Brothels that I saw today for the first time. It was much different than I imagined, it is about generational prostitution. I honestly did not even know about this concept, I do not think I have ever considered it before. The idea that a mother, who lives in a brothel and has children into the brothel, then grandchildren - that they would all be somehow be "born into prostitution".

A fire is ignited in anyone who watches something inspirational, informative or eye-opening. Then we look for ways to take action, and often do. For me there is this constant pull to work internationally, with immigrants or overseas. Now, as my best friend would react to that statement - is that where your gifts and talents are? I honestly don't know. There is this passion and wisdom in working with teen girls here, and such a desire for that, and I really do understand that ... but there is this constant hope that I can just go and serve.

The truth is, I know my limitations. I traveled overseas last summer for 3 weeks and was pretty much alone ... and made a firm decision that my next time being overseas would be for a significant portion of time and that I would also make sure I went with a close friend or spouse. So, knowing that I need that and seeing the things God has put on my heart for the next two and a half years, obviously this moment isn't the key time to go. BUT, it doesn't change the urge that I am overcome with at the current moment.

The forced quiet days are good to come by.