a sense of fear

Thoughts inspired by a long talk I had with Alex last weekend ... and Jesus ...


fear of God.

Have we lost this?

I think our generation may rediscover it, or so I hope.

Too often we approach God with too much confidence after reading Hebrews 4. We forget the consequence and seriousness of sin.

I'm reading this book, Boundaries, still. There are so many ideas communicated throughout the book, but one that really stuck with me today was the idea of reaping what you sow. (The author communicates how when poor boundaries exist we often step in for others and allow them to continue their destructive habits by taking on their responsibility or enabling them in some continuous way. This results in the person who needs to face consequences, not suffering in anyway because of the other codependent person.) I think in American culture we have lost a sense of reality when it comes to reaping what we sow. It may be because our country doesn't live by a Godly moral standard, it may have to do with the luxury that we live in, or the ways that our government steps in and takes action, when sometimes we deserve to fall on our face, so we can learn.

This all relates to the fear of God, because so often we concentrate on His grace. Almost like sin isn't as bad in our mind ... we don't have to reap what we sow (always) because of Jesus' sacrifice. We are sorrowful and repentive at the thought of our sin, but are we really? Are we really turning away from it? Are we seeing what that grace is? Do we really get what reaction that His sacrifice was meant to cause in us? Do we still fear God? Because we undoubtedly should.

We have a hard time understanding this, because fear in any human relationship is not righteous. We are only supposed to fear God. (And yes, even in love. ie. people use 1 John to communicate that we should not be focused on fearing God anymore.) I think because we are so focused on human relationships, here on earth, on how to maintain, grow and live with other people ... that we put the concept of having an unearthly/heavenly relationship with God away in some far off place ... and try to comprehend Him in our frame of mind. We try to relate to Him as we would a father, a master, a friend, a lover, a healer ... we put Him in our human terms ... in a healthy earthly analogy. This is not all-bad, but it does remove fear from the picture. and without this element of God, we are missing something very essential to the wisdom we are so fervently seeking.

Now, it's hard for me to read many old testament stories that include burning, destruction, or any sacrifice of people (esp. women and children) ... And I know it is for most everyone ... We can't wrap our heads around the concept of obliteration for living in sin without knowledge of something greater (or so it seems from our perspective). This is something that I am trying to find it's place for ... in my view of God's character. But most people only discuss this destruction of the "Old God". Has God changed? I don't believe His character changes. I don't believe it has.

And when I read Malachi 3:6, Pslam 102:27, Psalm 33:11 and Numbers 23:19 I am confirmed of that idea that His character, who he essentially is never changes.

Then I read Acts 5. This is no "God of the Past" and "God after the Resurrection" ... this is the same God, destroying those in sin in a very similar way.

We know that He hates sin. He hates when we don't choose Him. And He destroys many for it. This story is after Jesus' death, this is after "grace" and the change of many of the laws He put in place for His people. But, I think a huge part of this story, for me on this day ... is to evoke fear. A seriousness of sin. It is serious and I'm not placing myself in the Acts 5 story enough.

Sometimes I get in my mind that God chooses to forget the ways I've not sought Him ... too many ways to list. I get into the habit of thinking, since I've asked for forgiveness, there is no rememberance of those things. But, it seems clear in scripture that we will be held accountable for the things we've done. What does this mean in the light of grace? What does it mean to be rewarded for our pursuits ... held accountable for our words ... I don't know. This is open for more thoughts and discussion another day.

But, we need to be living in a way that isn't so focused on grace. Not so focused on the forgiveness, the change that is allowed tomorrow, the next time ... there is the now. And God hates the sin that we are choosing now. There is a sense of fear in my heart lately. A healthy fear of God's power. He is the ruler. The lion. The master. The overseer of all. He wants us to pursue perfection, he wants us to repent with full sorrow and greif. He wants us to bow. Is his presence evoking this in me? Am I allowing that?

Am I truly turning from my ways?

In the ways I find I am not, I think it has a lot to do with a lack of fear of Him. I have a gap in my understanding of how truly repulsive sin is to Him. When He tells me to do something, I need to do it without hesitation. When He tells me to not do something, I need to flee. I am not taking His words seriously enough ... I am not taking Him seriously enough.

Trying to chase harder, now.